Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
'Cause I feel like doing it!
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it)!
Mom's the word
This pic taken in Knysna in our Cafe 1990 down at the Waterfront [Choo-Choo train] location.
Marnus DAILY helped himself and his school buddies to freshly baked pastries and 'burgers. But to actually work as a waiter is against his 'principles', he says. Just as well. He never takes crap [but gives it generously!]. Just imagine him having to have a difficult client who gives him a mouthful.. .. we would have had many court cases if sonny boy had to be in charge. Rebert is people-friendly and can hold his cool!
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The Invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fuelled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.' As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
Friends Forever!
Rina and myself have been friends from primary school - 45 years! My mom was a teacher at the same school, Riviera Primary - both of us were taught by a strict mom teacher who also banned us from her class and/or choir practice a few times for various reasons [giggling/talking/pitch up 2 min. late]!
From primary school we attended HF Verwoerd High and were known as the 'trouble makers' for 5 years! On hindsight I think we had too much new ideas and were very too forward with lots to say about various stuff. We called it originality. Teachers those days called it bad behaviour. Kids were expected to be seen and not heard.
We tend to disagree [loudly] if we don't feel a kid has been done an injustice and were very quick to point this out to the teachers. Nothing wrong with this... these days the schools would say we whave such initiative and eager to have us since we have a mind of our own and this means leadership!
Both our kids - 2 kids each - Angelo, Ivona/Rebert, Marnus] are such a blessing to people and knew discipline and love since birth and were also encouraged to give their opinion. Regarding rearing a child, we have a lot to learn from the US where the kids are encouraged to speak their mind and say if they differ and have new ideas to offer - the difference in school education and behaviour in the US vs SA is obvious on all the live competition TV shows. The US has such an easiness when addressing judges and thousands seated in the auditorium [well, most of them anyway].
Our kids in SA are still the 'jammer oom, jammer tannie' and 'skuus oom en tannie' - BUT their good behaviour is one of the reasons our children from SA were so welcome in the UK to do meagre jobs with long hours and without complaining - how the UK can even think of employing their own youngsters currently on government support for so many years is beyond me. I mean, will you go and work for a lousy few pounds a month but 'earn' more staying at home and cashing in on the government? This is the reason the UK stopped our kids from going their on working visas. All of a sudden they found the 'pap en slap' UK youngsters [most being moms and dads at age 16yrs...] are costing the government a fortune...
Anyway, Rudy and Romeo met when Rina and myself became their girlfriends and from there on it was like an elastic band that won't break and stretched all these years without a hicup! Rina and Romeo lives in the Cape now [Somerset West], but when we see one another [too little!] we catch up where we left off. Luckily for the internet. And, best of all, Romeo is also an electrical contractor - the men have a lot in common and can understand the other's business problems, stress and difficult clients! And Rina and me can 'amen and amen' on all the issues of working for your husband and being a part of the marital and business team. The pro's and cons!
Nevertheless: some of one's friends are 'thicker than blood' BUT with Rina and Romeo we family ties in the Lord Jesus, who gave His blood on the cross. And His blood is unbreakable, outrangking any family blood!
We love you lots and lots... like jellytots.
Brenda.
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